9 Weeks - Where Nightmares, Not Dreams, Come True

Devastation. That is the only word suitable enough to describe the event that happened this week. If I could draw a picture of devastation, it would consist of a balloon floating happily up to the sky to reach it's destination and then out of nowhere, it pops, and the remains come plummeting back to the earth. This week, I received news that my best friend had experienced a miscarriage. She spent 8 grueling hours in the Emergency Room, and at one point lost consciousness. She was losing so much blood that she thought for sure she was hemorrhaging. After all was said and done, she was left physically and emotionally scared. 9 weeks she had housed a growing baby. And in 8 hours, it had all ended. While this is not my story to tell, it remains (and will remain) one of the most devastating events of my life. This is someone who I would die to protect. It pains me so much to see her so hurt physically and emotionally. Yes, it's true that she and her family will one day see the meaning of this - they will see God and Mother Nature's will. But right now, it's hard to understand why this would happen to her. She is young, healthy, and has nothing but love and good fortune to bring to a new life in this world. If anything, I am confident that she will again conceive and will never suffer this traumatic event again. In the mean time, she is focusing on her. I spoke to her the other day and she was tearful - but not about what you would think. She was shedding happy tears for the things that she has been blessed with - a loving husband and an amazing child. She has the resiliency of a child - she has the ability to take this experience and tuck it away without letting it effect her in the long term. This is one of the reasons why I've always emulated her. She is one of the most emotionally strong people that I know. Not because she doesn't cry or not because she chooses not to deal with trauma. It's actually the opposite - because she feels free to cry and she deals with issues head-on. And again, I will say it - pregnancy is not for the weak.

I'm not going to lie. I've been feeling some sort of survivor's guilt in the passing days. Asking myself, "Why didn't this happen to me?" And before I ask that question too much, I can't forget that it still could happen to me. There is nothing written in law that makes me immune to a miscarriage at this point. So I'm going to keep trucking on with my acid reflux, stomach bloat, cramping, and exhaustion. Because of those symptoms, I know our little peanut is trucking on, too.




Our Little Fetus

How's that for a milestone? This week, you've moved from being referred to as an embryo to an actual fetus. Your facial features are becoming more distinct and you have tiny muscles forming. Your father and I are anxiously awaiting our first doctor's appointment with you next week. You'll be 10 weeks old by then and hopefully we will be able to take a listen at your heart. And if not, there's always the fetal heart monitor that your mama just rented:) $24.00 a month is not a bad price to pay to get the reassurance of hearing that precious heartbeat. And knowing that we can hear your heartbeat now puts us one step closer to seeing your beautiful face. It's time to sign off now, sweet one. Keep growing healthy and always remember that we love you!