So, "What's been going on?" you ask. Are you sure you want to know?
Okay. Here it goes.
Slow Motion and Second Baby "Stuff"
Have I mentioned how annoyed I am beginning to get with the phrase, "Oh, it's just second baby stuff." In my 39th week, a very common pregnancy symptom that I was diagnosed with quite a while ago began to rear its ugly head. Pubic symphus separation had decided that it wanted to lay me flat on my a-double-s. I couldn't walk, couldn't sleep, and couldn't stop whining from the pain that it was causing me. After one night of literally not one hour of sleep, I had enough. As I was slowly waddling into work after this night, an innocent bystander casually asked me how I was holding up. Little did she know that question was all it took for tears to start falling from my face immediately. It was then that I knew that I couldn't go on like this anymore. I got into my office and called my OB and scheduled an appointment for that morning. My one goal for this appointment - to move my induction up from May 25th to as soon as possible. Ah, what a relief I felt after that call was made.
But then, as you know, I am not a single mother. There is another person that is just as involved in this pregnancy. As I phoned Jason to alert him to the soon-approaching appointment, I had a gut feeling that he was not going to be supportive of this decision. Not surprisingly, my gut was right. Now, I know what you all are thinking. He has no say in whatever decision is made regarding induction because he is not the one carrying this baby nor dealing with this incessant pain. I agree - to a point. We are married, we are a unit, we are one. When we got married, we gave up the impulsivity to make huge decisions, like this one, on our own. So as much as it pained me to hear his disapproval, I at least let him give me his side. He didn't believe that we were giving Leo an opportunity to make it into this world by himself. Remember Lidia's blog where I was so headstrong about not wanting to be induced? I wrote about how it wasn't fair for us to "play God" and pick her birthday. Well, I didn't seem to remember that, but Jason did. And (keep this in your memory, Jason, because you will rarely hear this in your lifetime) he was right. But, we ended up going to the appointment anyway. I was checked out by the doctor and she said that I had a favorable cervix for induction- I was 2-plus dilated, 50% effaced, and Leo's head was sitting pretty at a -2 station. Then, the doctor hooked me up to a non-stress test to make sure that Leo was active and his heart was healthy (you can thank Jason for this oh-so-flattering picture). Of course, Leo checked out just perfect. On this day, I was 38 weeks and 5 days pregnant. The doctor stated that beginning in 2 days, I could be induced whenever I liked. She stated that she would consider my need to be induced "medical" at this point since I was in so much pain. The only way to relieve the pain at that point was to give birth. God's Way
As we were leaving the office to check out, Jason had agreed to fancy the idea of being induced earlier than May 25th. We got wind of the doctors on call in the next couple of days - none of which was our favorite, Dr. Rinala. But, we at least had our other top two on call that Saturday, May 19th and Monday, May 21. Jason and I decided that we would sleep on it. While he may have been able to "sleep on it," I was again propping myself up with 18 pillows and drinking as little as possible so I wouldn't have to move during the night (and so I could at least get 1 blessed hour of sleep). The next morning, we compromised on a Monday, May 21st induction. I first called my mother to ask her if she could come earlier than expected, and of course she said yes. I then called the OB's office to schedule it. But there was one problem...they were all filled up. Good Samaritan hospital, the best-rated baby-birthing hospital in the area, already had 16 inductions/c-sections scheduled for that morning.
After this news sunk in, Jason and I both agreed that this was God's way of letting us know that Leo's birthday was not to come early. We decided to give up on being induced early and stick with our original induction date of May 25th. At that point, we both felt confident that we would have no guilt in Leo getting a bit of a nudge on his official due date.
In the Words of Destiny's Child...
I'm a survivor
I'm not gon give up
I'm not gon stop
I'm gon work harder
I'm a survivor
I'm gonna make it
I will survive
Keep on survivin'
We have been biding our time here in pregnancy land - enduring pain and sleepless nights. Our son's day is getting very close - he should be in our arms in less than 48 hours. Not surprisingly, Lidia and I have shared a nice fever-producing cold the past couple of days. We are feeling better, but were a bit worried that if my fever didn't go down, then the induction would be off. Right now, it's looking as if all systems are a go. Cookies for the labor and delivery team have been made and packaged. Suitcase is packed. Lidia's present from Leo is wrapped. We are as ready as we will ever be. I spent tonight completely absorbed in Lidia and everything that she was doing and saying. It is so surreal to think that she will be a big sister in less than 2 days. How on earth am I going to be the mother that both my daughter and my son need? How will I have the time in the day to let them know continuously how much my heart literally aches with love for them?
One last story I would like to leave you with...
On Mother's Day, as Jason, Lidia, and I were heading up to get communion at mass, I saw a hand reaching for me out of my peripheral vision. As I glanced over, the person reaching for me was a beautiful, elderly woman dressed in purple. Her hair was as white as the snow cover on a cold winter's day. I saw her shaking as she grabbed onto the pew in front of her to hold herself up long enough to hold my hand. She uttered these three words to me as her eyes glistened: "Happy Mother's Day." I looked at her and smiled while saying, "Thank you." She smiled back at me, sat slowly back down and seemed satisfied that her work had been done. This woman touched my soul. Any doubt that I had about being a good enough person to mother two children was washed away. She gave me all the confidence I needed with those three, small, meaningful words. I am the happiest I have ever been in my entire life. Not only because I have an amazing husband, but because I am a mother. I could not imagine my life without these two miracles, Lidia and Leo.
Goodnight my angel, now it's time to dream
And dream how wonderful your life will be
Someday your child may cry, and if you sing this lullaby
Then in your heart there will always be a part of me
Someday we'll all be gone
But lullabies go on and on
They never die
That's how you and I will be
