Colors and promises
How to be brave
How can I love when I'm afraid
To fall
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt
Suddenly goes away somehow
One step closer
I have died everyday waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid
I have loved you for a
Thousand years
I'll love you for a
Thousand more
And all along I believed
I would find you
Time has brought
Your heart to me
-Christina Perri
This week's blog is completely dedicated to our little man. Yes, that's right. It's a BOY and we could not be more excited! Honestly, it still seems so surreal to me. On Saturday night of this week, I had a very vivid dream that we were in the ultrasound room and the ultrasound technician pointed to the penis and said, "It's a boy!" I woke up from that dream so excited, but at the same time I didn't want to get my hopes up. Jason and I both would not have been the least bit upset if it was another girl. Girls are awesome - Lidia is awesome. We know how to parent a girl - aka, we know how to handle a diva. Jason and I are the most conservative people when it comes to a change in habit. We are the kind of people who will stay at our respective jobs for years and years, live in the same house/area for years, shop at the same stores, drive the same cars, etc. We like consistency. So, having another girl would really fit with our lifestyle. However, the amount of joy and fulfillment a boy can bring to a family excites us both. Jason and I are both the youngest of four - we both have 2 older sisters and 1 older brother. We have lived through a multi-gendered sibling household. So in a way, adding a boy to our family would keep consistency, too. A boy would be less of a diva, but more of a little stinker. So honestly, we were completely indifferent about the gender of this baby. We would have been completely ecstatic with whatever the news was. And that news had a special way of reaching us, right straight to our hearts.
Call me crazy, call me controlling, call me whatever name you want to call me. I have to know the gender of my babies before they are born, and I have to know their name. For me, its the milestone that keeps me upbeat and positive throughout pregnancy. I'm already talking to him, calling him by name, and imaging us as a family after he arrives. To me, we're not going to have a son - we already have a son. So, to say I was looking forward to this day would be a total understatement. I thought about it nearly every minute of every day. And the day we found out was no different.
We had decided to schedule the ultrasound on a Wednesday, because that is a day when Jason is off of work. Lidia was going to be home with him that day, too, and we thought it was important for her to be at the appointment as well. I was busy at work all day and Jason was busy parenting Lidia. Needless to say, our 2:30 appointment crept up on us very quickly. Jason and Lidia picked me up from work and we drove onto our appointment. As soon as I got in the car, Lidia smiled and said, "Mommy, we are going to the doctor to see baby peanut and I'm not sick!." Apparently, Daddy had a done a good job prepping her for the appointment. On our way there, Jason looked at me and said, "OK, final guess. What is it?" I said girl, Lidia said girl, and Jason said boy. We all know my track record on guessing the gender of our babies - I was zero for one.This pregnancy has been completely different from Lidia's. According to all those Old Wives, I was having a boy. Plus, I couldn't forget that oh-so-vivid dream of mine that revealed the gender of our baby as a boy. But, I just couldn't believe it for some reason. I thought it was another girl.
We arrived at the doctor's office and, surprisingly, didn't have to wait much at all. We walked back to the ultrasound room and got situated. The ultrasound technician worked her way from the baby's head down. She said the brain looked great and the heart looked "pretty, as it was beating steady at 146 beats per minute. The lips were good and we could even see the baby practicing breathing. Then, it was "peepee or no peepee" time. After she waved her wand down in the genital area, it was plain as day that we had a son. As soon as she spoke the words, "Looks like it's a boy!", Jason and I immediately had tears streaming down from our eyes and ear-to-ear smiles on our faces. Jason grabbed my hand and squeezed it. We were so incredibly happy in that moment - happiness that equalled the amount of happiness that we had when found out Lidia's gender. We told Lidia she was the proud sister of a baby brother and she smiled. She was an angel during the whole ultrasound. She kept asking, "What's that?", as the ultrasound technician moved from body part to body part. After everything checked out just fine, it was time to say goodbye to baby brother. As I was getting up, Lidia exclaimed, "Mommy, you need to put your pants back on." Everyone laughed. She always has a way of adding humor to a situation.
In conclusion, yesterday was one of the best, most anticipated days of our lives. When they tell you that the excitement wears off after the first pregnancy, don't believe them. We are, and have been, just as excited during this pregnancy as the last one. The only difference is we have one extra person with which to share the excitement. Before I left for work today, she said, "Mommy, I want a kiss." I gave her a kiss and as I was walking away, she said, "Mommy! I want to kiss your belly." I love her so much, and I love our baby boy just as much.
My Little Mango
As far as your development goes, your body is working on refining all of your five senses. You are also being covered with a cheesey coating, called vernix caseosa, which will keep your skin from wrinkling up like a prune.
My son, my love. Keep growing healthy down there and we will keep praying for you. I leave you with a video of your big reveal. We love you!
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